All you bad apples, welcome to Sage City.
Big Ed, I say we fire up this baby right now...
and grind those apples into sauce.
Look, if you wanna find out about Big Ed...
why don't you just take a little peek inside of his safe?
That all of my equity is in my livestock. No livestock, no equity.
Rebecca Hammond lost 20 calves to rustlers this morning.
He's onto us, Alfred.
(KITT) Am I seeing double?
[tires screeching]
(male narrator) Knight Rider, a shadowy flight...
into the dangerous world of a man...
who does not exist.
Michael Knight, a young loner...
on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent...
the helpless, the powerless...
in a world of criminals who operate above the law.
##[country music playing]
How much farther to Sage City? (KITT) This is Sage City.
As for the Right-On-Ranch...
it's exactly 3.5 miles. 3.5 miles. Good.
Maybe we'll be in time for a little country breakfast.
[cows mooing]
(Cat) Bet the comforts of home...
would feel mighty good to you about now.
[Cat chuckles]
Soft, perfumed sheets...
breakfast in bed, a nice hot bubble bath.
How does that sound? Like you've never been to the Bronx.
No. Can't say that I have. Cat, listen.
Just the cactus sucking wind.
Cat, there's somebody out there. I know it.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, get in. Let's go.
[neighing]
[cows mooing]
[cattle bellowing]
I'm not going to lose this ranch, Cat. I've got too many plans for it.
You get off this land, you cactus sucking...
[gun fires]
[cattle bellowing]
[gun firing]
KITT, did you hear those shots? (KITT) I'm afraid I did, Michael.
All right, find out where they came from.
[engine rumbling]
[gun firing]
(KITT) Michael, those shots are coming...
from the Right-On-Ranch.
Hey, they're getting away! Not if I can help it.
KITT, we're in scanning range. Give me a hard copy, will you?
Looks like rustlers, pal. Welcome to the wild, wild west.
Let's go get them, pal.
Jump, Cat, jump! You don't have to tell me twice!
What kind of truck is that? (Michael) A real big one, KITT.
Michael, there's a young woman up ahead.
Judging by the way she's thrashing about, I don't think she can swim.
[screaming]
Come on. I got you.
[Michael grunting]
You okay?
Oh, yeah, sure. I just lost another 20 head of cattle.
My pick-up looks like it went through a giant can crusher...
and this just happens to be a new outfit and a new pair of boots.
Why shouldn't I be okay?
Who are you anyway?
You're welcome.
Name's Michael Knight. I'm from the Foundation.
Where are all the others?
(Michael) What others?
For all the trouble I had convincing Devon Miles that I needed help...
I thought he'd send an army or at least a bunch of reformed muggers.
Well, I'm sorry, but what you see is what you get.
And what you saw is only part of what you're up against.
There's also some cowboys, truckers, snakes of all persuasions.
Any idea who they are?
Yeah. The bad guys.
The bad guys.
Can you give us a lift back to the ranch? Yeah, sure.
I want to check out the Sheriff.
There is a sheriff in this town, isn't there?
Yeah.
Lots of luck.
[KITT humming]
(KITT) Don't you dare.
[spitting]
Keeping an eye on you.
# No word for love ##
Well, looks like the hoosegow's over there.
(KITT) Hoosegow? Is that something like "moo cow"?
No, it's not something like moo cow. It's western for jail, buddy.
Don't tell me, they even have their own language?
[Michael chuckling]
It appears there's no one home.
(Michael) KITT, where's the Shaggy Buffalo?
Right across the street, Michael.
(Marilyn) # If you leave me tonight #
# I will cry #
# Though you say we will both meet again #
# Words like love #
# And truth and goodness #
# Words like till death us do part #
# I will never love another #
# Take my heart, take my heart #
# Take my heart ##
It's taken. Very nice.
At least someone around here has an ear for good music.
It's not the song, sweetheart. It's the singer.
My name's Marilyn, like in Monroe.
My name's Michael, like in Knight.
Showtime is over, Miss Marilyn.
Time to get your apron from your room, and do some honest work.
Hope to see you again, Michael. It would be my pleasure.
Can I buy you a drink, stranger? No, thank you. I'm looking for the Sheriff.
Well, you don't have to look far. Little brother, someone here to see you.
Seen him enough? It's about Rebecca Hammond.
She lost another 20 calves to rustlers this morning.
Rustlers?
You've been watching too many late-night movies, boy.
Then what do you call this?
I call that a truck, taking a bunch of calves to market.
Yeah, except they're someone else's calves. Says who?
Says Rebecca Hammond. Her brand's on them.
Well, let me tell you something about Rebecca Hammond, boy.
She's a rancher about like Marilyn over there is a singer.
She don't care nothing about cattle.
She only bought that spread so she'd have a place for her kids.
What kids?
A bunch of bad apples she picked up off the streets of New York City.
And now she wants to bring them out here...
so's they can terrorize our decent, law-abiding citizens.
I'll tell you one thing.
The only one going to be doing any terrorizing around here is me.
Will you put that thing away, Lance?
You a friend of Miss Hammond's? Yeah.
Well, then, maybe she'll listen to you.
I happen to know the Unified Ranch Corporation...
has made her an offer on her place.
A very fair and reasonable offer.
And if you're really her friend, boy, you'll see that she accepts it.
You got that? Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
Now, why don't you tell the Sheriff to get off his brains and get the rustlers?
[door shuts]
Get me Devon, will you, pal?
(Michael) Well, Devon...
I think there's something you failed to tell me.
Really, Michael? And what is that?
That is Rebecca Hammond's real reason for buying the ranch in the first place.
Oh, I take it you mean the children.
##[music playing on stereo]
(KITT) Michael, what on earth is that?
Something tells me, the bad apples.
They've arrived. Well, Michael, I won't keep you.
Just remember, children are the flowers of mankind.
Death.
Flowers?
Hmm.
I'll keep that in mind.
Bizarre.
(KITT) Be careful, Michael, there's just the two of us.
Yeah. A mean scene.
Miss Hammond, I think it's them.
Man, what did I do to deserve this?
Two steps down, Joanna. (Rebecca) Hi, you guys.
Welcome. I'm glad you finally got here.
Joanna, I've missed you, you sweetheart.
All you bad apples, welcome to Sage City.
All right...
what did you do with the driver?
He quit.
He quit?
When? After the breakdown.
The bus broke down? No, the driver.
Forty-five minutes out of New York City. No guts.
Who drove?
What difference does it make? We got here, didn't we?
He's got a point.
[chuckles]
Whose side are you on?
All right, all right. Back on the bus. Let's go to the ranch.
You mean, this ain't the ranch?
Miss Hammond. Did you get everything, Blue?
Yes, ma'am. Even the Coney Island hot dogs.
Cat, you get to drive the bus.
Come on, Joanna, you go with me and Blue.
Hey, come on. We've got ways to go here.
I'll meet you out there. We've got a few things to talk about.
Well, I think it's time we sashayed down to the old homestead, partner.
(KITT) I think I liked you better when you spoke rock 'n' roll.
[laughing]
[engine accelerating]
Time is running out. Maybe there's another way.
You do anything you have to, Alfred.
And if that long drink of water gives you any trouble at all...
you just let me handle him.
[gun firing]
So, you're a rancher, or a mother hen to a bunch of bad apples?
Which is it? Both.
And they're not bad apples, really.
They just haven't fallen far enough from the tree.
They've been battered and abused and used and left to fend for themselves.
Even Joanna? Especially Joanna.
She's been blind since birth, kicked around more times than an Italian soccer ball.
If you haven't guessed already, Michael, my real occupation isn't ranching.
I'm a child psychologist. I kind of got that feeling.
By the way I handle the kids? No.
By the way you tried to milk that cow which turned out to be a bull.
Seriously, Rebecca, I do admire the way you handle the kids.
Thanks.
Anyway, I came to the conclusion that all the testing...
and counseling, and understanding in the world...
didn't mean a thing if after those kids left my office...
they just went back to the streets.
So you bought the Right-On-Ranch.
With my savings and every penny I could beg, borrow, or steal.
See, I figured if I could bring a bunch of them out here with me...
for maybe a year...
let them work the place, share in the profits, if there are any.
Or even give them a second chance? Right.
But this is my first group...
and if I lose any more cattle, it may be my last.
Cat and Blue are the only hands I've been able to hire.
So I need some help, Michael.
Rebecca, that's what I'm here for. I'm behind you all the way.
Yo, that's one bad car, man.
Hey, man, there's not a car made Diablo can't rip off or chop up any day of the week.
(KITT) I guess, Monday's not a day of the week.
Oh, wow. Bizarre!
Oh, man. What a freak-a-zoid. Now I'm getting mad.
Don't get mad, friend, get in.
[beeping]
Well?
Hey, dude, I'm from 125th Street. I don't impress easy.
Oh, really? Well, we'll see about that.
[engine starting]
[all exclaiming]
Killer wheels, man.
A real punk-out.
[tires screeching]
What's the 125th Street kid have to say now?
[beeping]
Don't touch the eject button. Hey, come on, dude.
[screaming]
lmpressive.
[cow mooing]
[horse snuffling]
[cow lowing]
[cow mooing]
[door creaking]
Unified Ranch Corporation, what do you know about them?
Nothing, really.
Except that they're buying up a lot of the ranches around here.
Who's behind them? I don't know.
[calf mooing]
[mooing]
Don't cry.
I'm here.
Everything's going to be all right.
Is anyone there?
Is there someone there?
You just be real quiet and I won't hurt you.
[screaming]
That's Joanna. It sounds like it's coming from the barn.
KITT, meet me at the barn. On my way, Michael.
[engine starting]
[screaming]
[horse nickering]
[tires screech]
Joanna, it's okay. It's me, Michael.
KITT, run some interference for me.
(KITT) Right away, Michael.
[engine revving]
[neighing]
Man, you just knocked my socks off.
Yes, well, put them back on. It gets cold here at night.
You're okay, Joanna? I found this in the barn.
Excuse me.
Hey, partner, how about the ingredients?
[beeping]
(KITT) Two parts C21, H22, N2O 2...
and one part S2O4.
Doesn't sound like the recipe to Mom's apple pie, does it?
It's a deadly poisonous alkaloid, Michael. Mixed in with the feed...
it's enough to destroy at least a thousand head of cattle.
Poison? Yeah, you heard me.
And it was found in Rebecca Hammond's barn.
Now this goes beyond rustling.
I want something done about this.
(Alfred) In her barn, you say?
She ought to be more careful than that.
Here, I'll just take that for evidence.
You take it, you take it the hard way.
You listen here.
I'm the Sheriff...
and if I say I want that for evidence, then I'll take it for evidence.
Ain't that right, Big Ed? Tell me...
are you a betting man, Mr. Knight?
Yeah. You see that bucking bronco over there?
Oh, that thing. I thought that went out with the hula hoop.
I'll bet that Lance can stay on that longer than you.
And if he doesn't?
Then you walk out of here with the evidence.
Of course, you can always walk out of here right now...
without it.
Well?
Let's go for a ride.
Guests first. Brother Alfred will do the honors.
Hang on to this for me, will you?
Michael, be careful.
I've seen real live cowboys break their back on that bronco.
Real cowboys? Rodeo champs.
Rodeo champs?
Snapped right in two. In two?
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Ride it, cowboy.
Come on, Michael.
[whoops]
[crashing]
[groans]
You okay? Piece of cake.
Twenty seconds. Twenty seconds?
(Alfred) That's right.
Let her rip. Ride it, Lance.
(Alfred) Ride it, baby.
Who are they kidding?
He's got more of a chance of falling asleep than falling off.
Ten seconds.
Ten seconds, and still dancing.
Hey, partner, there's a bronco in here that needs a little bit more juice.
(KITT) Coming right up.
More juice, KITT.
[glass shattering]
(Marilyn) Nineteen seconds. Nineteen seconds.
My champion.
[panting]
Just call me Bronco Knight.
Thanks, buddy.
Big Ed. Yeah?
I think I figured out another way to get rid of Rebecca Hammond.
Once and for all. Good idea, brother Alfred.
Meantime...
I got some house cleaning of my own.
(KITT) Michael, why do I get the feeling that...
Home On The Range wasn't written with us in mind?
I hear you, pal.
And if I ever catch you in Sage City again, you'll be singing up on Boot Hill.
Maybe we've got someone else on our side.
Yeah? Well, for your information, Sage City is Boot Hill.
Marilyn.
There's a bus pulling out of here...
in 10 minutes, and I'm going to be on it. You won't miss it, I promise.
[people chattering]
Well?
Tell me what you know about Big Ed Barton?
He's a rat. What more do you want to know?
Why is this rat so anxious to move Rebecca Hammond off her ranch?
I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with those kids.
Yeah, well, I don't.
Have you heard anything about this Unified Ranch Corporation?
Yeah, I think I heard Big Ed and his brothers talking about it once.
Do you remember anything they said? No.
But, look, if you want to find out about Big Ed...
why don't you just take a little peek inside of his safe?
Safe? In his office behind the saloon.
Being a crook himself, Big Ed doesn't trust the banks.
He keeps his entire life locked inside that safe.
Okay. Thanks.
[sighs]
Well, I got a bus to catch. Yeah.
You... You know where to?
Yeah. Wherever it's going.
See you around, Michael, as in Knight.
Take care, Marilyn, as in Monroe.
All right, KITT. We've got to get in Big Ed Barton's safe.
In broad daylight?
Michael, even the most desperate desperado...
Is something wrong?
There's a puddle on the ground where the bus was parked.
What do you make of that?
(KITT) Michael, it's brake fluid.
And I also detect some steel filings on the ground.
Oh, no. The brake lines are cut.
##[music playing on stereo]
All right, you bad apples. Let's keep it down to a small roar, okay?
Okay. All right.
[brake pedal tapping]
[tires squealing]
All right, you guys. Get down.
(Rebecca) Now!
Michael, we're close enough for me to microlock the wheel system.
It's too risky, pal. Once we jam her...
she won't have enough strength to keep the bus under control.
Pull up close to her bumper.
Michael, what are you going to do?
All right. Take over, pal.
[tires screeching]
[grunts]
I got it. Go!
[grunts]
All right, KITT, give me all the microlock you've got.
(KITT) Right away.
[tires screeching]
[tires skidding]
Everybody okay? You okay? Yeah, all right.
All right, stay cool. I'll have KITT tow you back.
I don't understand it. I just had the bus safety checked.
Don't worry. It wasn't a mechanical failure.
Somebody cut the brake lines.
Big Ed, I say we fire up this baby right now...
and grind those apples into sauce.
Not with that guy Knight around. He's more trouble than a Texas twister.
We're gonna be safer sticking with our original plan.
There we were...
on the trail of one of the meanest outlaws this side of the Rio Grande.
"We"?
Well, actually, I was by myself at the time.
You familiar with Billy the Kid?
Let's see.
Billy the Kid. Real name. William Bonney, Born. 1860.
Died. July 13th, 1881.
I'm talking about a different Billy the Kid.
Mine spelt his with two D's.
I'm sorry. You should be.
Besides, I ain't got time to stand around talking to no car.
I got dogies to round up.
Sure I can't change your mind, Blue?
I'm sorry, ma'am...
but ever since I started working for you, the guys in town are not talking to me...
and the gals just ain't smiling the way they used to.
I don't mind the guys not talking. I understand.
I did fix your brakes for you, though, and mended the fence on the south pasture.
Thank you, Blue. That's nice.
[car engine starting]
Hey. I got some good news. I can use some.
Reinforcements are on the way. Devon's coming.
Devon's coming? That's it? Devon's coming?
Oh, God.
We barely escape death because somebody cut the brake line.
My one able-bodied hand quits.
The bank is going to foreclose on my mortgage if I lose any more cattle...
and you tell me Devon's coming. Wait a minute.
What's this about the bank? Why didn't you tell me about that?
I just found out in town, that all of my equity is in my livestock.
No livestock, no equity.
No equity, no Right-On-Ranch.
You know what else they told me?
They told me that I should accept the Unified Ranch Corporation's offer...
and sell.
Well, did you give them both barrels or just one?
I told them that I'd think about it.
Don't look at me that way, Michael.
[sighs]
Maybe it's just not worth any more fight.
If I really thought you believed that, I'd say okay.
It's your ranch. It's your dream.
Hold up the white flag, surrender the fort.
But come on, that's not you and that's not me.
We've got them whipped, boss. They just don't know it yet.
(Michael) Devon, I need some answers.
Is it a corporation or isn't it?
Unified Ranch Incorporated is what is known as a closed corporation.
It has one majority stockholder.
Unfortunately, the only way to uncover his identity is to find out...
who actually holds the securities themselves.
It's got to be the Bartons. Yes, that may well be.
Unfortunately, at this moment in time, it's going to be difficult to prove.
Time's the operative word, Devon.
Rebecca's running out of it, along with her cattle.
Michael, if you think about it, none of this makes any sense anyway.
Why would anyone want to buy Rebecca's ranch...
enough to go to these lengths? Bonnie's right, Michael.
Ranching is one of the most depressed businesses in the country today.
Who says they want Rebecca's ranch for ranching, anyway?
What other purpose could there be? I don't know, Devon...
but it's gotta be big, because they sure want it bad enough.
Michael, you've got that look in your eye again.
What are you thinking about? Oh, nothing.
Just a little old R and R at the Shaggy Buffalo.
[tires squealing]
##[country music playing]
[people chattering]
Beer, please.
KITT, I think this place needs a new disk jockey.
Put on something I can dance to.
(KITT) How about Swan Lake?
Yeah, right. Just kidding, Michael.
[beeps]
[record skips]
[people exclaiming]
##[rock 'n' roll music playing]
I'll take over for you.
[record skips]
[people chattering]
##[country music playing]
Take a hike, pal.
One more time, please. Michael, if you're not careful...
they'll be doing the Texas Two-step on your head.
Just put on some rock 'n' roll, will you?
(man) Hey, wait. Now, what's happening?
[people muttering]
##[rock 'n' roll music playing]
Hey, wait a minute. It's not me. It's that guy over there smiling.
So, it really was you, huh?
[people yelling]
I'm a nice guy once you get to know me.
[grunting]
[glass breaking]
[people shouting]
All right, KITT, amplify the tambours. Right away, Michael.
[beeping]
[people yelling]
That is fantastic.
[gun fires]
[people yelling]
Hi-Ho KITT. Away!
(Michael) KITT, can you give me an overlay of Rebecca's ranch?
Whatever that "X" represents...
I'm positive it's somewhere on Rebecca's ranch.
If you're suggesting mineral deposits...
I happen to know that the old gold mines have been picked clean years ago.
And there's no record of oil in this area.
Well, it's got to be something. X marks the spot.
KITT, let's find it.
Michael, you know there's an APB out on you?
Not the first time.
Yes, but I have absolutely no influence in this area.
None whatsoever.
If you're caught, I can do nothing to help you.
And you must also consider the Foundation.
After all, we are a law-abiding organization.
I'll keep it in mind, Devon. Thanks.
[tires squealing]
Michael, it's hopeless.
You're from the Bronx. You're tough. Don't give up. Don't let them beat you.
It's not just the ranch and the kids now. It's you, too.
You know, they've been here twice looking for you already.
They're calling you a fugitive. I've been called worse.
Affirmative.
Okay, wise guy. You're supposed to be working here.
I am. As a matter of fact, I think I've located the mysterious "X."
Where is it? About 10 feet directly to the left of you.
[humming]
Now two steps forward.
Looks like someone bored a deep hole here. Know anything about this?
(Cat) I sure don't.
I'd say it's a core sample.
KITT, put on your geological cap. We need some answers here.
The hole goes down 46 feet, Michael...
and there appears to be a sizeable deposit of malidium-sulfate.
Malidium-sulfate? What's that?
It's a space age ore. Extremely valuable, once it's strip-mined...
and Rebecca's ranch sits right on top of the mother lode.
Strip-mining? Do you know what that does to the land?
It makes the Bronx look like a rose garden.
Unfortunately that's not against the law, but rustling is.
And I think these guys are desperate enough...
to make that one big mistake. Cat, I want you to drift into town.
Spread the word...
we're moving the entire stock to the south pasture.
But that's where they hit us last time. That's right.
We'll make it a lot easier for them this time.
Jawing about it is one thing, but catching them is something else.
Yeah, Cat, but I got an ace up my sleeve.
See this little guy? They use this to track game in Africa.
A couple dozen cattle should be a pushover.
If my friends in New York saw me now, they'd think I was crazy.
You know what?
Sometimes crazy helps.
Michael, they're not coming.
They'll come.
It's just a matter of time.
They'll come.
[KITT humming]
[birds chirping]
[engine humming]
[people chattering]
[KITT beeps]
(KITT) Michael.
Got you, pal.
[men shouting]
[cattle mooing]
Michael, it worked.
Not yet.
Not till I get down there and follow them and round up the rest of the gang.
Man, look at the size of that thing.
[cattle mooing]
Radical.
Bizarre. Let's go get them, Michael.
Wait a minute. It's a job for me and KITT.
Hey, man, there's no way we're gonna miss out on a rumble.
That's the fact, Jack.
You're looking at the warlord of the Purple Gang.
Diablo, Magic, you guys gotta stay here.
What if they send up some more bad guys?
You got to take care of the ladies. You be cool.
Right. Yeah.
[engine starting]
[engine revving]
We're not going to blow this rumble, man. And you know that.
Cat, you heard the man. Stay here and defend the women.
Yo, let's head them off at the pass. Right.
Hey, come on, you guys.
Yo, we'll take the short cuts over the bridge top.
Right on.
[engine starting]
[tires squeal]
[tracer beeping]
[mooing]
(Michael) Looks like they're turning off the highway, KITT.
Map overlay indicates Old Canyon Road.
Does the map overlay indicate where it goes? No.
But, were I to hazard a guess, I'd say into an old canyon.
Thanks, pal. We'll just hang back until they rendezvous.
He's onto us, Alfred.
(Big Ed) This time, he's in for a big surprise.
[engine roaring]
[engine starting]
KITT, I've got a feeling here. What feeling?
That feeling.
[tires screeching]
[whoops]
(KITT) Michael, am I seeing double?
Afraid not, pal.
[tires screeching]
[boys yelling]
(KITT) We're running out of room.
(Michael) It's all timing.
[tires squealing]
I knew you could do it, Michael.
Better get some help out here, pal.
The state police, an ambulance...
and a couple of very, very big tow trucks.
[grunting]
All right.
Well, looks like the Right-On-Ranch will make it after all.
Right on. Right on, brother.
(Magic) Yeah.
[all laughing]
Like I was saying, KITT, there was Billy the Kidd.
(KITT) With two D's? Yeah, that's the one.
Standing right over there, just about where that stump is.
So, I just took my trusty lasso, whirled it high over my head...
and let her rip.
Now, here's the way I would handle it.
Now, what do you think of that, partner?
[humming]
KITT.
Something tells me you were once a Texas Ranger yourself.
(Rebecca) Chow time?
(Michael) Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs.
Straight from Coney Island. Who wants to be the first?
(boy) Real food. All right.
[all laughing]
Yeah.
Not worth the fight, huh? Says who?
Right on, brother. Yeah.
Right on.